Hi Reader,

Here's an update from this past week.

Owning Your Trauma: Steps to Healthier Relationships

In my latest Monday episode, I dove into the intricacies of managing trauma and its impact on relationships. If you’ve ever felt like your past experiences hinder your present connections, this episode is for you.

I talk about this because I understand how badly past trauma can creep into your present and affect your day to day life and relationships. It took me years to learn to manage my triggers, but I promise there is a healthy and rewarding way to do it.

Understanding Your Triggers

Healing trauma is not about eliminating feelings like jealousy or neediness. Instead, it’s about acknowledging these emotions and understanding their origins. “Healing your trauma does not mean you never get jealous again. It doesn’t mean that you never feel needy… What it means is owning it,” she explains.

The Importance of Self-Acceptance

A significant part of managing trauma is accepting that everyone has triggers. Including YOU. The key is to make peace with these parts of themselves. “Your triggers exist for a reason… Knowing that about yourself isn’t a weakness, it is data!

Three Steps to Start Healing

Here are the practical steps to help you begin your healing journey that worked for me:

1. Know Your Triggers: Identify and own your triggers. Instead of judging yourself for being triggered, ask, “What do I need to do when it happens?” Take time to journal, and get curious about yourself.
2. Stop Hiding: Embrace the parts of yourself that you feel ashamed of. Hiding them only amplifies their power over you. For example, I used to feel pangs of jealousy in past relationships that felt scary, forbidden, and honestly made me thinking there was something wrong with me. Those judgments I made about myself caused me try to not have any jealous feelings at all. So much so that I completely stopped allowing myself to speak up or have standards. Its also made me feel so much more anxious about those feelings when they came up.
3. Speak up: Own your triggers, let your partner, or people in your inner circle know that you are working on how it shows up. Ask them about their experience with you and how they experiences your triggers. This builds trust.

Remember, having the trigger is not the problem, its how you handle it. The goal is not to get rid of the trigger. Its to make sure it doesn't start taking over.

These strategies can help you create healthier communication and foster stronger relationships.

You can watch the full 5 minute episode HERE:

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Conclusion

Healing is a journey, not a destination. By understanding and accepting your triggers, you can pave the way for healthier relationships. If this resonates with you, consider diving deeper into our full episode for more insights and guidance on managing trauma.

Best,

Kaytlyn