Hello Everyone,

This week was bittersweet. I just got back from a European trip with some girlfriends and am now getting back into the swing of things. I learn so much from my community, and this week, someone commented on one of my posts, asking me to share more about my personal experience that led me on my healing journey.

She said that she thought many people would relate. I will admit, I have been reluctant to share some of my personal stories. Vulnerability is brave, but it has to be done with intention. I do see, however, how my experiences directly correlate with how I help and support others in their mental health journeys today.

The commentator was right. If I want to connect, I need to be open and vulnerable with you all about why I am where I am now as a social worker and soon-to-be therapist after 10 years in corporate sales.

When I was 27, I had just gotten back from living in Spain for 2 years, getting my master's in international relations. I had a string of toxic relationships that I always blamed on the other person. One day, I met a man, and he shared something that catapulted me into my healing journey.

In fact, it hit me so hard that I ended up going through a period where I didn't speak to my family for over a year. That's a story for another day...

He said, " Kaytlyn, I love you, but the way you were raised to handle conflict and view love and relationships is just not healthy, and it's not normal."

Ouch....But he was right.

I had been using coping mechanisms that were no longer serving me. It changed how I viewed my family, my friends, and myself up until that point. I trusted him enough to listen and take a deeper dive into myself and who I really want to be. I decided to look inward instead of blaming my problems on my external world.

That's when the change finally began. That was the start of many more "Aha" moments over the years.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy helped me harness radical acceptance in a way that made sense for me. I have always been stubborn and plagued with the "I will believe it when I see it" mindset. DBT, because of the research, the structure, and the evidence supporting it, changed my brain for the better. And that's why I decided to start teaching DBT in my future practice.

If there's one thing I hope you take away from this week's newsletter, it's this:

Sometimes we're surrounded by difficult circumstances, difficult people, or situations we genuinely can't control. But meaningful change often begins when we're willing to look within and take responsibility for the parts of ourselves we've been avoiding.

It's uncomfortable.

It's humbling.

And it's one of the most rewarding things you'll ever do.

If you have ever struggled with knowing the difference between what's your intuition vs trauma or anxiety in a relationship. Download my free guide below:

​Red Flag or Anxiety?Free DBT-Inspired Dating Guide​

Thank you for being here and allowing me to share part of my story with you. I'm grateful you're on this journey with me.

Until next week,

Kay

Recent Videos

Surviving Columbine: How I Rebuilt My Nervous System What does trauma actually do to the nervous system after survival? In this episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, Kaytlyn Gilner sits down with Columbine survivor, writer, speaker, and trauma-informed educator Krista Hanley to discuss PTSD, long-term trauma recovery, emotional safety, boundaries, nervous system healing, somatic awareness, self-defense, and what healing realistically looks like after surviving trauma. Watch Video

Anxiety or a Red Flag? How to Tell If Your Relationship Is Toxic Anxiety or a Red Flag? How to Tell If Your Relationship Is Toxic In this episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, MSW and soon to be therapist Kaytlyn Gilner breaks down how to tell the difference between relationship anxiety, anxious attachment, and real red flags in dating. Watch Video

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