How I Broke Free From Anxious Attachment & Childhood Trauma

Hi Friends,

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Something I don't talk about enough is my personal battle with having an anxious-avoidant attachment style growing up.

Research shows that children often lay the foundation for their attachment by age three. This means that the way you relate to others relationally, whether you tend to skew towards trusting or distrusting others and yourself, is primarily developed long before your memory serves you.

Although the blueprint may have been developed in early childhood, research also shows that your attachment is not set in stone, which is why we see so many people heal and move closer to a secure attachment later in life. That to me signifies hope, but is also extremely validating for those who suffer with attachment wounding and cannot fully put together the pieces why they feel how they feel.

People who experience significant childhood trauma often spend their lives wondering why they are the way that they are. Why do they feel so deeply, or why do they struggle to allow themselves to attach to others at all? This can be extremely damaging to those seeking a partnership, as the foundation of a relationship requires safety and authenticity.

When I was a child, I experienced significant turbulence both in my home and school life. It took me until my early twenties to hit rock bottom in my romantic life. I couldn't understand why I kept having toxic relationships and kept repeating the same patterns over and over and over again. I didn't trust people at all. I was either hyper-focused and anxiously attached to the point of enmeshment, or completely unable to get close while avoidantly keeping them at arm's length.

The experience was extremely isolating and embarrassing because I felt so many others were not having the same experience.

That's when it hit me.

Although I love my family and have built a close relationship with them through setting healthy boundaries and going to therapy, I also accepted that the way I was taught to interact in love and relationships was not healthy. It was time for me to take ownership of my own healing and take the next step in breaking this pattern and ending the generational trauma cycle in my family for future generations.

I began weekly therapy, journaling, and maintaining a set routine and structure. I tried EMDR, hypnotherapy, and CBT. Whatever was out there, I tried it. And they helped, don't get me wrong. I had to start somewhere. But it wasn't until I found dialectical Behavioral therapy that I was able to make the last change that occurred in the moment while I was triggered, not just while I was calm.

I learned to stay grounded in relationships, choose healthy partners, and, most importantly, speak up for my needs and set boundaries in healthy ways. My relationships went from turbulent to confident, grounded, and, honestly, fulfilling.

I promised myself when I was a little girl and struggling that one day I would be who I needed for others struggling. So, I quit my 10-year career in corporate sales and left a marriage that no longer served the new and confident version of myself to become a therapist.

And that is why I created my FREE DBT-inspired “Anxiety or Reg Flag?” Guide.

To help others trust their intuition, break toxic anxious spirals, and actually pick the right partner for you based on evidence-based tools that are actually usable and practical. If you are interested, you can find the free guide below.

I stopped begging to be chosen and started actually choosing what I wanted for myself. All of this to say is that healing is possible. With time, commitment to self-exploration, and grace, healing is not only possible but also highly probable.
Thank you for tuning in as always.

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Best wishes,

Kaytlyn

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